Post by thereisnospoon on Mar 11, 2007 22:55:56 GMT -5
Just a little something I put together while bored. I don't intend to offend anyone with this (it can happen).
How To Make an Enemy in Ten Easy Steps
1. Have your enemy be a former or current friend. This adds to the intrigue and the amount of ways you can torture him.
2. Make passing comments that will irk him, like “Does it hurt at all to be that retarded?” after he makes a mistake.
3. Take something valuable your friend lent you and lose it. If you really want to test the bonds of friendship, smash said item repeatedly and return it to your friend by mail with an annoying Hallmark card.
4. Question his manhood. Constantly.
5. By this step, he’s probably begun to dislike you. Proceed to completely break your friend’s trust by telling everyone in school a dark secret of his, like that his mother still makes him take Flintstones vitamins or that he has a poster of Justin Timberlake in his room.
6. In an extreme case where you want to quickly crush any bonds you had, combine Steps 4 and 5 by telling everyone in school that your friend is gay.
7. If your friend is especially forgiving, apologize to him. Afterward, stick a sign on his back when he turns around to leave. Be creative in your use of said sign, because you’ll never get a chance like that again.
8. The most extreme step should be saved until the end– say something about his mother. It seems logical to use this early on, but by doing so you throw away your trump card. You’re using heavy ammo now.
9. The last part was extreme, but this is the most extreme of them all– get with his girlfriend. Give yourself bonus points if she breaks up with him to stay with you.
10. Make sure that you have some friends left who are willing to watch your back. You’ll need it.
If your former friend refuses to become your enemy, get a restraining order as quicky as possible.
How To Make an Enemy in Ten Easy Steps
1. Have your enemy be a former or current friend. This adds to the intrigue and the amount of ways you can torture him.
2. Make passing comments that will irk him, like “Does it hurt at all to be that retarded?” after he makes a mistake.
3. Take something valuable your friend lent you and lose it. If you really want to test the bonds of friendship, smash said item repeatedly and return it to your friend by mail with an annoying Hallmark card.
4. Question his manhood. Constantly.
5. By this step, he’s probably begun to dislike you. Proceed to completely break your friend’s trust by telling everyone in school a dark secret of his, like that his mother still makes him take Flintstones vitamins or that he has a poster of Justin Timberlake in his room.
6. In an extreme case where you want to quickly crush any bonds you had, combine Steps 4 and 5 by telling everyone in school that your friend is gay.
7. If your friend is especially forgiving, apologize to him. Afterward, stick a sign on his back when he turns around to leave. Be creative in your use of said sign, because you’ll never get a chance like that again.
8. The most extreme step should be saved until the end– say something about his mother. It seems logical to use this early on, but by doing so you throw away your trump card. You’re using heavy ammo now.
9. The last part was extreme, but this is the most extreme of them all– get with his girlfriend. Give yourself bonus points if she breaks up with him to stay with you.
10. Make sure that you have some friends left who are willing to watch your back. You’ll need it.
If your former friend refuses to become your enemy, get a restraining order as quicky as possible.
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little 
